The 12-in-1 Coffin
He typed: The customer is a journey. The funnel is a lie. Kevin’s smile never reaches his eyes. The 12-in-1 Coffin He typed: The customer is a journey
He tried to skip ahead. He dragged the progress bar to 70%. Kevin was suddenly screaming about “Email Segmentation.” Then back to 40%—now it was “Influencer Tiering.” The video was a monster. It had no chapters, no mercy, no bathroom break. He tried to skip ahead
He woke at 4 AM to the sound of Kevin’s triumphant voice: “And that, team, is how you build a brand from zero to hero in twelve simple steps!” The video had ended. A green “CONGRATULATIONS” banner hung on the screen. A checkbox appeared: Mark as Complete? It had no chapters, no mercy, no bathroom break
He never clicked Mark as Complete . Some things are better left unfinished.
He dreamed of click-through rates. He dreamed of cost-per-acquisition. He dreamed of a vast, infinite dashboard where every metric was red.