Culturally, we have been fed myths: that love means suffering, that real love never gives up, that jealousy equals passion, and that leaving is failure. These myths are the fertilizer for uzembe . The proverb does not say love is bad. It says ngoswe penzi —reckless, excessive, blind love—is the problem. True love is clear-eyed. True love respects boundaries. True love does not demand you become a fool.
Why does love—one of the most beautiful human emotions—so often become the gateway to our worst decisions? The word ngoswe implies carelessness, negligence, or a sloppy lack of caution. It is not the careful, respectful love of a wise person. It is the love that rushes in without looking, that forgives what should never be forgiven, that spends what it does not have, and that stays long after respect has left the building. ngoswe penzi kitovu cha uzembe
Friends and family warn you. They see what you refuse to see. Instead of listening, you isolate yourself. Uzembe thrives in isolation. Culturally, we have been fed myths: that love
When the proverb calls this love the kitovu (umbilical cord or root) of uzembe (foolishness, idiocy, or negligence), it means that foolish actions are not accidents—they are birthed from this specific kind of blind affection. How do you know when love has crossed into the dangerous zone of uzembe? It says ngoswe penzi —reckless, excessive, blind love—is
There is an old Swahili saying that cuts through the romantic haze we often wrap around love: “Ngoswe penzi kitovu cha uzembe.” Literally translated, it warns that reckless or excessive love is the very root of foolishness. In an era where we glorify “crazy in love” and passion at all costs, this proverb stands as a stark, uncomfortable mirror.
You find yourself lying for a partner, covering up their mistakes, or abandoning your dreams to keep the peace. Love was meant to elevate you, not turn you into a stranger.
He disrespects you in public, she lies about money, they disappear for days without explanation. But you say, “But I love them.” That is ngoswe .